Lagos Chronicles

Catcalls and Dead lines

You are walking down the road and you hear guys whistling and calling out to you. (What are we, animals?) Even okada men will be calling out to you while speeding past you. And it’s unbelievable how shamelessly they do this. anigif_original-grid-image-9260-1396296826-4

You would hear things like “baby”, “fine geh”, “heys!”, “my colour” (huh?), “why you dey frank your face na?“(shoot me now!) etc. Now, the funny part for me is when they demand that you respond. Then you begin to hear things like; “answer me na”, “na you I dey call na” etc., then when you don’t respond, their tone changes, they get angry; “mxcheeew, you no even fine!” “wetin dey do am sef, abeg waka!” At this point, I’m like; I was kuku walking.

A friend of mine once told me she went to get something at computer village and some guy grabbed her a**. For the love of all that is good and pure, why? Why so aggressive? She said she was so scared that she couldn’t wait to get out of there. That’s just annoying and disrespectful. People need to have sense o.


So, I was in this bus on my way to Ikeja, one fine afternoon, when this young man got on the bus. He sat down beside me and I just kept typing away on my phone. Then, I heard him say something. I was hoping that what I heard wasn’t actually what he said. So I pretended not to have heard and I kept looking at my phone. This time, he said; “Excuse me,” I turned to look at him and he goes; “Do you know you are beautiful?” Duh! I just rolled my eyes and gave him a “Please.just.stop.talking.” look and thankfully, he was wise enough to shut up. I just couldn’t deal. Ain’t nobody got time for that, fuel is cost.


At the Obalende bus park where I was in a bus going to Ikeja (I was actually going to Ikotun but I Had to take a bus to Ikeja first. Yes, Ajala much!) While waiting for the bus to get full, this young man entered the bus and sat on the seat in front of me, so that he was directly opposite me. He called out to the woman selling cold drinks and bought Cway peach. Then, he looked at me and asked; “how was school?” in my shock, I echoed, “school?” and he nodded. I just shook my head and turned away.

Or the one that gives you unsolicited advice; “You know you are pretty, you shouldn’t be frowning your face”

Oshey special adviser, who ask you?

It is fascinating the length at which guys try, and fail, if I might add, to start conversations with the opposite sex without spewing unappealing lines. I thought we have evolved. Isn’t it 2016 again? Or someone has been able to perfect the time machine that has sent us, without our knowledge or consent, into years gone before?

I can be really terrible at small talk. The entire concept of it just tires me out sometimes, but people of God, there are a lot of conversation starters you can employ to get conversations going. You can’t go wrong with; “This traffic ehn…” or the winner; “I wonder what this government is doing… ” or say something clever, and take it on from there.

“Do you know you are beautiful” is just plain lazy. That line is tired, let’s move on.



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