So I woke up this morning feeling incredibly sleepy. I just woke up, I know. I really can’t explain it. Then I had this overwhelming lethargic feeling. I needed to get up and prepare for work but I just felt incredibly weighed down. Weighed down by the situation of things around me, with thoughts of how the things I really want to do are so far out of my reach. I couldn’t even pray because of how shitty I was feeling. Fast forward two hours later and I still had a melancholic cloud hovering over my head as I made my way to work. Then I was hit by the thought of how old I was getting and how little I had accomplished.
I feel like I am not moving fast enough. People are doing big things and making waves and making people’s lives matter and consequently finding fulfillment in their own lives, or so it seems.
Then I was hit by a fresh cloud of “When would my life begin to matter” and yada yada yada. I was beginning to drown in the Sea of self loathing. I had to tell myself, “Enough!” when I got to work because I knew that with that attitude, I wouldn’t get anything done.
I bowed my head and muttered a few words of prayer. I fired up my laptop to do some research and as music goes well with this task (for me anyway), I went through my music folder and stumbled on, Through Heaven’s Eyes, a soundtrack from the animation; Prince of Egypt. I had never paid attention to the lyrics before but I did this morning. And holy cupcakes, such powerful lyrics!
In the strong and powerful voice of Brian Stokes Mitchell, the following words hit me:
A single thread in a tapestry
Though it’s colour brightly shines
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the Grand design
And the stone that sits up on the very top
Of the mountain’s mighty face
Does it think it’s more important
Than the stones that form the base?
So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life through heaven’s eyes.
What does it mean to look through heaven’s eyes, I wondered.
It is seeing yourself the way God sees you. You are a masterpiece. God’s own perfect creation, wonderfully and fearfully made. Filled with a wealth of creativity and an abundance of intelligence. You are so unlike anybody else, you are different in all that makes you YOU. Nobody else can do the things you can do exactly like you can. And FYI, your life matters. It matters a great deal. Even though you are not exactly where you think you should be, your life does matter. Never think differently. As we are all different so are our paths. Stop being too critical of yourself by measuring your worth with another person whom you think has achieved all those things you can only dream about, because you might not know where the shoe hurts that person.
Climb out from under that sea of self loathing and self pity and get about doing the things that have been placed in your hands and do them diligently. Strive for excellence. Wake up everyday and shoot down that voice that reminds you that you are getting old and all of your mates are doing great things. You can never move ahead with that voice in your head. Self pity doesn’t spur you to greatness, it’s a negative emotion that allows you to wallow and be complacent.
I am basking in the realization of these and stocking my arsenal, for tomorrow, in preparation for that voice. I would keep shooting it down until I don’t have to.
So, be encouraged, strive for excellence (even when you think no one is watching) grow, develop and always, always, look at your life through heaven’s eyes. Selah.